tovasshi (tovasshi) wrote in womenwarriors,
tovasshi
tovasshi
womenwarriors

:/

Every job I've had I had the feeling that no one really took me seriously. This job is no different.

I'm on course. I'm the only girl on my course. There are 4 girls on the entire program right now, a new course is coming in tomorrow, so maybe the number will go up. There are about 8 courses I think of about 8 to 16 people. So you can imagine I am outnumbered quite a bit. I am constantly made to feel by other course mates that I am a moron. That my accomplishments amount to nothing. That my input is useless. Only two people ask for guidance, two other will ask if I am near by. Everyone else would rather fail the program than to ask me for help.

I get dirty looks from my course mates when I walk by. They whisper about me behind my back. They spread rumors about me. If I get one question wrong, it is amplified and someone feels the need to make a smart ass comments about my fuck up.

I was assaulted in basic, I was made to feel like shit for even reporting it by a female staff member. Reporting it and going through the process was made to be extremely uncomfortable. She didn't want to do her job. I had to request another staff member, luckily things got moving properly.

I suffered a uterus infection while out in the field during basic. I was accused of faking it. I was accused of making it up just to get out of doing work. You can't fake an ultra sound, you can't fake blood work, you can't fake half your stomach sticking out 2 inches on one side. I was yelled at for crying due to how much pain I was in. They tried having me charged for self mutilation. Yet they gave all the sympathy in the world to the guy on my platoon who had a penis infection when it only hurt when he peed.

I try talking to my female school mates as a way to relate, I am often greeted with either the "Well, I am a x year old lesbian, you have no idea what discrimination/harassment is like." or "You are in the military now, suck it up, you are the reason no one likes women here." I have found only a few female friends here and there who understand and know exactly where I am coming from.

I tried talking to my staff just to inform her of what was going on. She was livid. I told her I didn't want her to say anything. She addressed the course, and used my name. They were all already against me, now its just going to get worse.

I have the second highest grade in the class, I have a 92% average so far in the highest academic NCM program in the military (as I am told), I have a 4cm grouping when I shoot, my uniform is always perfect, I can outrun quite a few guys on my course, I can do more push-ups than quite a few guys on my course.

I can't keep up with the fastest man in my course, because I am a woman. I don't have the highest grade, because I am a woman. I can't do the most push-ups because I am woman. If I make any mistakes, it's because I'm a woman. If I do well, it's because I'm fucking someone. If I get an award, it's because I'm a woman.

But it's the only job I've had that I haven't gotten fired for turning my boss down for a date or for reporting someone for grabbing my ass.
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